Finally Loving Life

Hello, beautiful people!

This week was one for the books. A little shadow work snuck up on me, out of the blue, as it usually does. It had me doing hypotheticals, or so I thought, until things started feeling a little too familiar. At that point, I was like, Wait, is this play about me? Not se moi! But indeed, it was. And in it was this phrase that kept floating to the surface: “Find your happy.”

It started feeling very familiar because my whole thing is Finally Loving Life, but this felt a little different. I found myself in one of those moments where I had to ask myself: Are you happy? And if so, why? And if not, why not? I remember the last time this crept up on me. I was fresh off a vacation, my second that year, and not even fully unpacked before I was already thinking about where I needed to go next (not wanted, but needed). The question, “Are you not happy here?” bubbled to the surface. Where did that come from?  In the end, I realized I was always trying to be anywhere but here. And that had to mean something. Why did I classify life as living only when I was traveling or off on some excursion that would make those who listed me as their emergency contact fearful? At that point, I realized I spend more time living in my day to day than I do on vacation. And happiness can’t just live there, it has to live here too. I needed to figure out how to make my daily life so fun that coming home was just as fulfilling as going away.

Listen, I’ve had this blog for well over 20 years. It’s grown and shifted as I have. It’s been deleted and restarted so many times, it’s crazy. But I say all this to say: this is never a one and done. As you learn and grow, so will your perspective, giving way to the newer (and hopefully higher) version of yourself. It factors in the wins, the losses, the unexpected explosions of abundance, and the whiplash moments where the bottom falls out. It factors it all in. And every now and then, it checks in when it sees behaviors that contradict themselves. Sometimes it’s just action vs. action, but most of the time, it’s action vs. what you say. They don’t match up. It’s moments like this, like now, where I need to reexamine my views. Are the things I say still true, or have they reached their expiration date? As you reach a certain age, your definition of living takes on different meanings as you try to navigate what you want and need to feel, not just say, that you are living.

Of course, we’re all living. Breathe in… and breathe out. But I’m talking about the living where life greets you at the door and stirs something up in your chest. You know that moment when you’re about to land on vacation, and you haven’t even gotten off the plane, let alone seen the resort, but your inner knowing recognizes living. Here’s the thing: life is filled with these moments. Some are big, some are small. Some happen once a year, and some… are supposed to be daily.

This thought process led me to what I’ll call Living in Enjoyment vs. Living in Maintenance. See, anyone can build a case for how to live in enjoyment when you’re vacationing or have some big plans you’re looking forward to. But we don’t live there, do we? No. We live in the day to day. And that’s where this breakdown comes in. Living in the enjoyment of life while maintaining it instead of living in the maintenance of life and using whatever’s left to then enjoy it. For example, let’s say you have a nice house (representing your spirit’s home base). It’s on a solid foundation, a nice sized property. So the enjoyment of living day to day (your soul’s purpose) is living in your gratitudes and enjoying them. Enjoying the home (life) and what it provides. Cooking in the kitchen with music playing and a glass of wine. Dancing in your bedroom. Changing your decor with the seasons. Designing your landscaping layout. Reading a book in a comfortable chair in your reading nook. Watching a movie while eating popcorn, snuggled under a blanket.

Think of this as the moments.

Maintenance, while enjoying the moments on the front end, is handled on the backend. Having to change landscapers for whatever reason and doing the research to find a new one. Getting the leak in the roof fixed. Making sure the security system is set up around the perimeter. Getting a new stove when it goes out. You get the picture. These are more like tasks, the things you do to maintain your day to day so you can enjoy the moments of life. Now unfortunately, I blame society, most of us aren’t living this way. Most of us are living in the maintenance of life and then trying to squeeze in the moments that fit into our schedules after we’re done. Which, duh, of course, changes the scope of how we look at life on a day to day basis, and causes us to flee for the nearest place that can give us that escape… I mean, vacation.

Most of us live via tasks:

• Cook breakfast.
• Get dressed.
• Have to get on the road by a certain time, or traffic’s going to be crazy on the way to work.
• Pick up the groceries.
• Throw a load of clothes in the wash.
• Oh my gosh, I still have clean clothes that need to be folded on the couch from the last time.
• No time to deal with that, I’m running late to my moment (I mean, dinner with a friend), but I can’t stay out too late because I need to get home for my dogs potty time.

Now, there is a moment in there. But living this way is like playing a game of Where’s Waldo? trying to locate it sandwiched in the midst of it all, let alone extract it so you can enjoy it in its fullest potential. What if I told you there’s a parallel existence happening right alongside it? And the difference in experiencing it is all in the decision you make and the mindset you choose to live through?

Okay, here we go, because this is what true, real parallel universes really mean. It’s not just a catchy phrase.

–I’m asking the seer that is in you that works all you gifts for everyone else and to see outside of self to go inside and ask that part of you that is coming to the surface, what is it that you need that would make you feel better. For example, if your inner self, is like, I just want to sitt in the sun and feel its warmth. then it’s time to plan a moment. Load everybody up (the kiddos, the dog, and/or if it is you solo) and head to the park. Grab a blanket or sheet out the closet, or off the couch “wink”, throw a sandwich and a bag of chips in the bag with a book and be on your way. You don’t have to make it difficult, actually, the simpler you make it the easier it is to do these things and do them consistently. Not as a ritual, but as a standing voice that ask, what do you need and listens. Shoot, grab some fruit and veggies with dip if that is all that is in the fridge.

My newest goal is now to find my happy. Find it in my every day living and do it in the most simplest terms possible. Because I deserve to be happy, daily, not just here and there but I also realize that realisticlly I have to change my views and mindset on what that looks like and realized that me doing this is just as important as a doctors appointment. It stays on the schedule.

—-You are awakened by the smell of coffee from the preset timer going off, beckoning you to the kitchen. Your stomach lets out a little growl, and you smile, knowing exactly what you’re in the mood for.

As you make breakfast, you think about the mood you’re in, and you’re feeling a little sexy. You have a cute skirt you haven’t worn yet, and those shoes would go perfectly with it! You glance at the time and start doing the calculations in your head.

Hmm, maybe skip the full hair sitch and do a cute ponytail with flowy bangs, some lip gloss, and mascara. Cute and saves time so I can get on the road, you think to yourself as you pluck the top you want to wear from the stack of clean clothes on the sofa. As you spray the top with water to throw it in the dryer and knock out the wrinkles, you notice you really like the scent of the detergent you’ve been using.

Wrapping up your day at work, you make a mental note of the groceries you need to get. I think I might pick up some flowers for myself. It’s been a minute since I’ve put some in the house.

As you finish up your shopping, you fix your lip gloss in the rearview mirror and think, I’m looking kinda cute. You decide to change your top and maybe add a little eyeshadow, as you pull your hair out of the ponytail and run your hands through it to lay it down the way you like.

You spend your moment catching up with your friend, totally leaning into it. As dinner comes to a close, you say your goodbyes, promising not to wait so long the next time. Then you head home to see your furbaby so you can take your late-night walk, one that you both love. For her, it’s all about the sniffs. For you, it’s time to reflect on the moments you enjoyed during the day and how good they felt.

Now, of course, I’ve made this very storybook so you can see the same day but in different ways. The first version is about living to maintain life rather than experiencing it, with the good stuff stuffed in between the chores. The second version is about living life, taking time to lean into the moments, even the simple ones, while still handling the same maintenance tasks as the first. The difference? The latter feels more like living.

Now, of course, there are a million variables, and everyone can say, “This doesn’t work for me, I have kids, I’m not working, I don’t have money, I, I, I.” Y’all are going to I yourself into some shadow work you don’t have to be forced into if you could just learn to adjust based on others’ experiences. And if, for nothing else, you find yourself stuck in the “I”, then this just isn’t for you, at least, not yet. And that’s okay. But if this resonates with you, then you’re ready for this week’s assignment. Each day, whether throughout the day or at the end, whatever fits the flow of your day (because this is a mental exercise), take away the excuses of you saying you don’t have time to sit still and write something. lol

Ask yourself: What moments did I have today (or so far)? Really go into the details of what they were and how they felt. Almost like you’re telling your best friend, your inner self, the story of how great your day was and why. Give the play by play.

If none? Well, then you have another assignment for the week: create them.

Ask yourself: In this moment, what do I wish I could have or do? This isn’t a genie bottle so keep it realistic. I’m asking the seer in you, the part that works all your gifts for everyone else and sees outside of yourself, to go inside and ask that part of you rising to the surface: What is it that you need to feel better?

For example, if your inner self says, “I just want to sit in the sun and feel its warmth,” then it’s time to plan a moment. Load everybody up (the kiddos, the dog, and/or just you solo) and head to the park. Grab a blanket or sheet from the closet or off the couch (wink), throw a sandwich and a bag of chips in the bag with a book, and be on your way. You don’t have to make it difficult. In fact, the simpler you make it, the easier it is to do these things, and do them consistently. Not as a ritual, but as a standing voice that asks, “What do you need?” and listens. Shoot, grab some fruit and veggies with dip if that’s all that’s in the fridge.

My newest goal is to find my happy, every day, and in the simplest of terms possible. Because I deserve to be happy, daily. Not just here and there. But I also realize that, realistically, I have to change my views and mindset on what that looks like. And that me doing this is just as important as a doctor’s appointment. It stays on the schedule.

Until next time, love you lots! – Sacred