Hello beautiful people,
Welp! I am in the thick of it… the trenches, if you will. I don’t know exactly what I thought taking care of elderly parents would be, but I don’t think I accounted for this. I thought, when they get older, they can come stay with me, but I didn’t think of the reasons why they could no longer stay on their own and how that would affect my day to day life. Needless to say, with one parent gone and one remaining, I’m getting the full scope of what life is like when you have to care for a loved one who is no longer able to live on their own. Countless doctor’s appointments. Repeatedly having to have the same conversation over and over again because they don’t remember it. And, not to mention, the temperament that comes with the frustration of them not being able to do and think the way they normally do. I’ve taken in a lot of strays, and I do mean a lot, but I know that this is something I’m supposed to do. Matter of fact, I think I might’ve low key manifested this by repeatedly, over the years, visualizing and saying how I wanted to be in a position to care for them when the time came. Well, the time came, and it doesn’t look like what I thought. I’m in a one bedroom apartment, and I turned my sunroom into an additional bedroom to make it work, one day at a time. So, I guess you could say I’m in a position. It’s just not the one I thought it would be.
It’s so funny how life will hand you a mirror to reflect back to you the things you need to work on in the here and now, as well as in the future. I’ve learned the importance of how minimal activity and the impact it can have when it declines into a sedentary lifestyle, but it can have a huge effect on your mobility and mind. I’ve learned how I want to speak to others and how I don’t. I’ve learned how important it is to have a lifestyle plan that not only fits now but lays down the groundwork for a quality of life in the future. And I don’t just mean financial. Yes, you want to have a certain amount of money to support yourself, but in the end, unless you’re fortunate enough to have put aside a significant amount of money, you really can’t financially plan for it all. What was enough money to accommodate a reasonable life in your 50s no longer exists by the time you’ll actually utilize the money 20 years from now, just based on inflation alone. So, what do you do? The best you can, it seems.
Somehow, even with the unexpected costs, it still manages to work out. But what is non-negotiable, and something you have to work on now to make a real life worth living, is how you take care of yourself, both mentally and physically. If you don’t use it, you really will lose it, and that changes the whole dynamic of how you live later in life, both mentally and physically. Prior to my mom moving in with me, I had a list of things I wanted to incorporate into my life so I could make sure that I aged in a manner that still allowed me to be mobile and alert. However, with life being as busy as it was and the days flying by like they had somewhere to be, my list kept getting pushed to the side. I wanted to do things more consistently: meditate, stretch, walk, be creative, be mindful in my spending, and create a life where I was at peace, content, and happy. All the things that affect both mental, spiritual, and physical well-being.
This mirror, my mom, came at a time to show me what it looks like when you let it all go and keep putting it on the back burner. How not dealing with your shadow, the part of you that keeps triggering you, can lead to misdirected anger and yo-yoing emotions. In the course of as little as a month, these themes kept coming around and circling back like a video on repeat. Until one day, I was so stressed out that I felt weird enough to take my blood pressure, and was shocked at how high it was. All of the stress of being a caregiver, not having any of those relaxing practices in place to balance it out, and not dealing with the wounds of the past, which were now sitting in my home like a constant reminder of what it looks like when none of these things are dealt with appropriately, had caught up with me. In that moment, I said to myself that I don’t want this for myself and knew that I had to make changes, and make them fast. That I no longer could keep saying what I was going to do and actually do it. The reminder of what it looks like when you don’t, was a firm visual that it is easy to get locked into bad lifestyle habits and hard to break out of them when the mind isn’t on board.
I started walking consistently. Went back to the lifestyle diet I used to eat. Started back with my slow mornings, writing at night, and meditating before bed. Pulled away to the quietness of my bedroom to balance out all the noise that was now present in my home, to recenter and ground myself. I’m happy to say that my blood pressure is starting to come back down. My mind doesn’t feel so cluttered now that I’ve released what wasn’t mine and allowed myself to do the best I could. Whatever negative interactions that came up, I let it fall away instead of engaging and taking it in. There is still so much to get into place, and again, I need to stay consistent. But the thing I’ve realized the most is that, until you deal with your stuff and find peace, like a mirror, it will keep showing up in people, situations, environments, and so on and so forth. It will repeat the cycle until you break the cycle and do what it is you’re supposed to do to live the life you’re supposed to live.
When something presents itself, ask yourself: Why does it bother me so much? Sometimes, that thing or person that irks you may lead you to a trauma wound that may need to be healed, or an attachment to unresolved anger that may need to be released. Maybe there is more to it than that person being an azz and it triggers how you felt when someone made you feel bad and hate when you see someone acting in the same manner. Maybe that is your mirror to deal with unhealed wounds from the past. You need to learn the kind of self love that exists regardless of what people do or don’t do and how they choose to behave as individuals. What then becomes an observation of how they show up in their own life, completely detached from your personal one, allowing them to continue their life path and learn whatever lessons they are suppose to as you no longer take on the attachment of their behavior.
When you see something that makes you wish you could do or have it, or when envy rises to the surface, ask yourself: What parts of me are desiring this, and why? It may not be the thing, so to speak, but possibly the feeling of that thing. For example, you envy someone’s house. But you don’t want the house itself, maybe you want the security it represents. Or the space, the feeling of having room to breathe, where you aren’t crowded by everyone and everything. Maybe what you’re really craving is breathing room: a pocket of space and time just for you.
These are the things that will keep showing up in different ways, begging you to take a closer look and adjust accordingly. Mirrors are all around us. If you pay close enough attention, you can learn from them. They will guide you down a path to the life that fits you best, so you can live today and the days to come, aging gracefully with grace for yourself and others.
Until next time, love you lots! -Sacred
Photo by Alex Flavius
Leave a Reply