Finally Loving Life

Hello beautiful people,

It’s that time of year when things begin to slow down behind the scenes of the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. That time of year that reminds you of the importance of real relationships, both platonic and non-platonic, and places a spotlight on them as it forces you into a year end recount of the highlight reel of life. It forces you to do one of two things: look at your life, all the people and things you’ve allowed to share space with you, and how it’s going. Do you keep accepting it? Do you want to? And if not, what do you actually want, and how are you going to start getting into a space where you can move forward? Or, ask yourself what are the aspects of self and life that you enjoy, and want to make a larger focal point, while shrinking or deleting other aspects? It’s the time when it comes down to seeing that you are the person responsible for where you are currently and asks the simple question: “What am I going to do?”

People either sweep things under the rug as they enlarge their focus on holiday shopping and cooking, while others find a space between now and the new year to ponder a few things. For me, it always starts right before Thanksgiving, so that’s when I start taking inventory of my life. It’s never easy and, as much as you may hate to hear this, it always points back to you. You came into this world solo, and you will leave this world solo, so it shouldn’t be too much of a shock to know that you are living a solo life experience. You are responsible for how your life unfolds, and the choices you make, or avoid, quietly shape the direction and outcomes of your path.

That is why in the movie The Butterfly Effect, no matter how much he went back to make changes, he couldn’t get the desired result. The change didn’t just change the thing he wanted to change, it also changed other aspects of the scenario, resulting in different outcomes.

Every moment, day, week, month, and year offers us a clean slate. All we have to do is decide.

Now, there are several things that can make that hard. One being taking on the responsibility. Let’s say that you want to lose weight, like I do. That means you can’t keep looking at the obstacles you blame for keeping you from doing it. You have to look at your situation in a different light to see where you can make changes that work in your favor. And a lot of times, that takes creativity. When you look at something through just one lens, like telling yourself you don’t have time to go to the gym or cook healthy food, you close yourself off from the many other possibilities that could support you. We forget that it’s our responsibility to explore other paths. I always remind myself that there are many ways to get to 2 + 2 = 4. If you only insist on doing it one way and that way doesn’t work, you’ll overlook the abundance of other routes that still get you to the same outcome.

You can create simple, non-complex meals that are quick to prepare. You can bulk cook, portion them out, and freeze them. You can use your daily dog walks as a source of exercise. You can use the countless YouTube exercise videos that are sometimes as short as 15 minutes and can be done at any time you set for your day. You see how, all of a sudden, when excuses are removed, all you’re left with are your excuses? And that’s the hard part, being able to see that it’s you, and you’re the one who must do the hard part.

Stop spending and start saving. If you don’t spend, then this part isn’t for you. But if you find yourself making small purchases here and there, whether it is a morning coffee, a drink after work, or a new purse you did not truly need, then it becomes a matter of asking yourself what you really want. Is saving more important right now, or do you want the comfort of the little treat? And remember, this is your life. There is no wrong answer. Remember, you’re living a solo experience, and you determine the who, what, and where of your storyline, and you can change your mind as often as you want. And if no decision is made, then you will continue to flow in whatever is the strongest narrative of your current condition.

I tend to take inventory each week so that I have a general plan of how I want to move forward in my week and what I want to experience. So by Monday, I have a general plan for the things I will take responsibility for shifting into.

I’ve learned a few things while doing this:

1. Baby steps.
The times I have made the biggest transitional steps in my life are when I’ve taken on the “little by little” approach. For me, it is better to do a small thing consistently and build on it than to wait until I have the energy or ability to do the big thing. When I do that, it becomes so overwhelming that I lose consistency because it feels like too much to maintain long-term.

One time, I wanted to start exercising, but it just seemed too taxing. So one day, I told myself, Just walk around the block one time. I did just that, and only that, until eventually I realized I enjoyed being outside and wasn’t ready to go back in yet. Over time, I began walking longer and longer, until one day I had the energy to move faster and started speed walking. Eventually, I worked my way up to running 3 miles every day. And it all started with me giving myself permission to walk only one block, letting myself grow at my body’s pace and adjust as needed from day to day.

2. You’re allowed to change your mind.
Change as often as you need to, as long as you are mindful of how you affect others and move with wisdom and love, for yourself and others.

3. Boundaries… get some.
Boundaries are not just for others, but for yourself. Often, the biggest thing holding us back is our struggle to set boundaries that protect our most vulnerable parts. When we do, they help us stay aligned with what we truly desire and believe is possible for our life. This can be a hard step because sometimes we’ve groomed ourselves, our environments, and the people around us to expect certain things from us. When we change, it unravels the whole. And dealing with that unraveling can be a major life event. But once you reset things back in their proper place, moving forward becomes so much easier.

4. Lastly, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I have everything I need to create and live the life that lives and breathes within me. When self-doubt or fear begin to rise, ask yourself whether something is factual or if it’s just what you’ve falsely believed. You might be surprised by the scripts you’ve been living from based on past experiences that no longer serve you and have been holding you back. There is nothing I have a heart for (not to be confused with ego) that I cannot do. It lives within me. I also trust that as I move through life, if I find that I lack something, it is either not meant for me, or it will be provided as I continue along my path.

Living this way makes you realize that the angry, difficult parts of life often appear when we stray from our path. Those are the moments when someone else’s voice, or their expectations of who they think you are or how your life should look, becomes louder than your own vision. And yet, the beautiful truth is that you can always get back on track. Your gut and intuition are like life’s GPS, they will keep rerouting you until you return to your true path.

You may experience some not so great things along the way, but that is life. There is grace in knowing that in this solo human experience, you may make some bad decisions that cause grief, but you also have the ability to create bliss. You learn as you go, and you are provided with whatever you need to return to alignment and stay there.

This week is all about getting back on track and creating space to determine what actions need to be taken to get there, and stay there. This week, I took a vow to myself that I’m doing it for myself. I’m making sure I am living the life that aligns with the path I’m meant to experience and create, and making space for the people, places, and things that belong on that path. You know my motto: What’s meant for me will not pass me by.

Remember, little by little, my friend. No movement is too small when you are moving forward from a place of alignment with the best parts of who you naturally are. You are worth it. You are special. You are sacred in your own unique, individual way.

Until next time, love you lots!
– Sacred