Today, I was looking through a forum about the effects that the economy has had on unemployment. One particular post stood out to me, a man shared that he was contemplating suicide after losing his job and being unable to find another to support his family. Now, I know that there are some people who think that suicide is a selfish act or that he shouldn’t let his lack of a job define his will to live. But whether people understand it or not, this is the true reality for many people right now. Even if you’re not dealing with struggles to that degree, there are so many who are trying to figure out how to handle life when a crisis, completely out of their control, hits home and hits so hard that it seems to destroy everything in sight.
When I finished reading his post, I was beside myself. What do you say to someone in that predicament? What do you say when you don’t have the answers and don’t want to trivialize their pain with a simple, “Hang in there, buddy”? As I continued reading others’ posts about how they were coping, I realized something: I don’t have all the answers, but people still need to hear something. Sometimes, they don’t need solutions; they just need someone to listen, someone who cares, someone they can talk to. This hit home for me because I’ve been there, not contemplating suicide, but in that hopeless place where it feels like nothing you do works.
I used to work in the science field until burnout pushed me to transition into something new. I enjoyed my new career until one day, I was called into the office for “a talk.” As my boss spoke, I quickly realized where the conversation was heading, and it wasn’t good. When she finally said they were laying me off, I was stunned. I was in shock for about three days, convinced there had been some mistake. But once reality sank in, I started job hunting. I couldn’t get a job in my old field because I’d been gone too long, and I couldn’t get one in the new field because I didn’t have enough experience. I even applied to local stores, only to be told I was overqualified. Eventually, I interviewed at a chicken restaurant. The manager was impressed but said I was overqualified to be a cashier, so he offered me a shift manager position instead. I took it, but the pay wasn’t enough to catch up on my bills. Eventually, I lost everything… even my pets.
I moved in with friends who graciously offered me a place to stay rent free. My job transferred me to another location, but I had to take a demotion to cashier. One day, I reached my breaking point. I still remember it vividly, the day reality came crashing down. I had lost everything. I’d slept on couches, living room floors, and spare bedrooms. I walked miles to job interviews, only to hear “you’re overqualified.” I was denied government assistance. When I asked the woman helping me what I was supposed to do, she said, “As far as the government is concerned, you’re young, educated, and single with no children. You’ll eventually be alright.”
Somewhere in the middle of all that chaos, I had a dream. Spirit told me that their name for me meant “Blessed and a Conqueror.” Now, you might think that sounds sweet, inspiring, or even a little crazy, but I woke up angry! How could I be blessed living like this? I definitely didn’t feel like a conqueror. That realization broke me. One night, a bad storm rolled through, thunder, lightning, pouring rain. I went out to my friend’s back porch and sat in the storm, raindrop for raindrop, tear for tear. I cried, I yelled, I broke down, and then, I talked to Spirit. Not a formal prayer, but a real, raw talk. That night, I realized my greatest frustration wasn’t just my circumstances, it was the deep knowing that there was something greater within me. I was meant to live greater, do greater things, and reach higher, but I didn’t know how. I told Spirit I was angry, angry for being mistreated, angry for feeling like I was dropped off in the desert with nothing but the words, “You are blessed and a conqueror.”
I can’t tell you exactly when things started to turn around, but they did, step by step, baby steps at that. Eventually, I got back on my feet. The one thing that kept me going, and still does, is remembering that dark, rainy night, the gut feeling that told me not to settle, not to give up. Because there is more in me. There is greatness in me. And it’s worth fighting for.
I’m no longer angry at Spirit or bitter about the past. And now, I can say with confidence: I am blessed and a conqueror. I made it through, and I’m still making it. And if I can, so can you. There are people from every walk of life, nurses, teachers, factory workers, IT specialists, architects, who are struggling right now. Some are out of work; others are overworked and underpaid. My hope in sharing this is that someone who may feel like that man from the forum or others who may be struggling with other things, will read this and find encouragement to never give up.
I hear you. I care. If you need to talk or want some positive support, email me at sacredbymp@gmail.com to ask questions, seek advice, or simply share what you’re feeling. I’m here for you. I may not have all the answers, but I do have an ear.
For those who need immediate, professional help, please call 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK.
And to everyone reading this, share a smile, a hug, or a kind word. You never know when you might be the light in someone’s darkness.
Love you lots, Sacred
Finally Loving Life 
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