One of the things about leaving an old year behind as you open yourself up to embrace the incoming year is that it forces you to recognize what it looks like to look back at what has happened, learn from it, and let it go in order to embrace the beautiful possibilities that can manifest in the new year. As I sit firmly in the new year, it has forced me to take a hard look at my current life. For a long time, it would make me sad to look at my current situation because it was nowhere near the storyline I created for myself in my head, and no matter how hard I tried, I would continuously be diverted off that path.
Someone once told me that you choose the life you live, and that is why it is manifesting in the manner that it does. I remember it made me so mad because I had experienced so much trauma, and I point-blank yelled with tears in my eyes and said how heartless of a statement that was. That no one would choose to go through or experience some of the things that I have experienced. No one would choose some of the atrocities that have happened in society. I didn’t understand how someone could say that.
I think we need to normalize knowing when to say things and when to be quiet. When to make sure that we check in with Spirit to see if this is the right time and/or place to say or do things, even if it is true. I say this because, if a person is not prepared to hear/receive the words you are imparting, is it really spirit-led? I believe, no matter how hard a truth is, when done through Spirit and by the Spirit, it will be said in a way that is digestible. It will be said when a person has a heart to listen to what is being said. And last but not least, it will create a safe space to have an open dialogue about what it all means. During this time, I was in the thick of a traumatic experience, and words without explanation or enlightenment felt more like judgment than a moment of spiritual expansion. I didn’t understand what was being said because of its delivery and the timing of the delivery, but one thing about the universe is that if there is a lesson to be learned, it will make its way back around again. This time, it came during my quiet time of communing with my spiritual tribe.
As I sat and took into account the things that I felt I lost—hopes, dreams, visions of a life that just didn’t want to manifest, friends, and even family—I felt broken. Until I heard within, “What if you chose this life?” It was a callback from what was presented to me previously, but this time, it was presenting itself gently, quietly, and with the tone of, “Hear me out and let’s ponder this for a moment.” I was able to be open to hearing this line of thought because, at this point, it had been YEARS later since its initial introduction as a thought. By this time, I had gathered enough life data to really contemplate, “Am I aiming for the wrong life path, and is that why I keep getting diverted off of it?” I had now lived more than half of my life, and I had more years behind me than I had before me. I now knew that I had given it my absolute best to create the life that I had dreamed of, and as I came to that realization, I broke down and cried, “Yelling, it shouldn’t be this hard!” In the quietness of it all, I heard, “No, it should not.”
It felt like my spirit guides took me by the hand and pulled me through a different view of my life, where I could see that everything that was truly meant for me, not only did I get it, but it was effortless. I had to do nothing but be where Spirit led me, and receive. I was guided through countless scenarios all the way up to the present, where I came back to myself and heard Spirit say, “Now why would it be any different?” I then asked myself, did I ever remember Spirit telling me that this was what it wanted for my life? Where did I get this vision of a life that never happened? Did I even really want that life? And then I realized, everything I wanted that I didn’t get actually fit who I really was as a person.
This thought led me to being open to the thought: What if I really did choose this life? What if who I am right now is the answered prayers of my past ancestors of positivity and abundance who are for me? What if my life right now is the dream life of a past or parallel version of myself? I’ll give you an example. For the longest time, I wanted a house where I could lay down roots and create a home, yet I have found myself always uprooted in some tragic way, fleeing for the next place I can start over and maybe try again. Once I started looking at that same situation from a different point of view, it helped me process everything. What if some previous part of me always wanted to be free? To have the ability to live in different cities, states, and visit countries? To freely be able to create homes everywhere its spirit visited? To enjoy the beauty of being able to pick up and leave when your soul has received everything it needed from that source and is now ready to move on to the next adventure?
Imagine a past version of myself that was locked into a life where it couldn’t explore. It couldn’t get out and enjoy the world and the people in it. A past version of myself that had to accommodate everything and everyone else other than itself, and it dreamed of being free to experience life creatively, not for material gain, just the freedom, space, and time to explore that side of itself. What if I am its wildest dreams? What if the life I live isn’t failure, but it is the life that my bloodline prayed for, my ancestors prayed for, past versions of me prayed for, a version of me that exists in a parallel universe prayed for?
What if the trauma I experienced is because I was hell-bent on being on a path that was not my own but one that was created with pieces pieced together, spoon-fed to me through society’s version of what life should be? What if, every time life fell apart, it was the universe’s way of rerouting me back to the path I am supposed to be on, and I was starting to get too far from it and wasn’t making the changes on my own, so it detoured me? For me, I realized that I never asked my spirit, “What kind of life do YOU want to live?” I never took a look at my quirks, life, and daily habits, and asked myself, does it really make sense to wish that you had people that you could talk on the phone with daily and hang out with weekly when you don’t like talking on the phone that often and you need space to regroup after a lot of social outings? Maybe, just maybe, your spirit chose this life because this is the one that actually fits who you are as a person. Maybe, just maybe, this is the life that your spirit feels safe, grounded, and whole. Maybe that is more important than choosing a life based off of suggestions outside of self.
So here I am now, wholeheartedly realizing that I did indeed choose this life. I chose to spend most of it detouring away from the path I was supposed to be on in pursuit of a life that looked good on paper but was never a true safe space for my soul. I experienced some of the things I did because I was literally in the wrong place at the wrong time; I was on a path that was not my own. So, as I skip my happy azz back to the path that I am supposed to be on, I remind myself that life still happens—good and bad—but when you are on the path that you are supposed to be on, you can handle all that comes with life with more peace and ease. My life is the answered prayers of every part of me. Now, let’s see what it looks like when I flow through it without fighting against the currents. Let’s see what fruit grows when I water where I am and not where I want to be. I have a feeling that it will look nothing like what I have chased after all these years, but it will be just as good, if not better.
Here’s to choosing the life you are blessed with: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the abundance of it all.
Love you lots!
-Sacred
Finally Loving Life 
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