22 October, 2015
Why Do Men Seem To Be More Comfortable With Being Single Than Women?
Posted in : Words of Wisdom, Lifestyle on by : FLL Tags: dating, getting older and dating, men, relationships, single, women
I stumbled across this article that contained so many interesting points that I couldn’t help but to share my thoughts on it. You can read the article in it’s entirety here.👈🏾😉 The article discussed several points as to why men seem to deal with their single status much differently from women. I think the biggest thing that I took from the article was a different way of thinking all together. Not in a “Think like a man” kind of way, but a broader perspective of how to get more out of different situations. For example, the article stated that men get a lot of their emotional needs met via interaction through work, going out to social events, and working out. We are all exposed to those same scenarios, but I leave with a different perspective. Most women leave those same environments and think that they didn’t meet anyone or the activity was a bust because they didn’t have a result that bled over into their personal lives. We, meaning I, usually meet people and enjoy the same environment but we want to meet people that become friends, or possible intimate partners. Men tend to go and enjoy the moment for what it is and when they leave, it had the same feel of hanging out with friends, although they are strangers. I’ve seen men go to a bar in a restaurant and strike up conversations over drinks and a game and act like best buddies and then leave and say that it was nice meeting you….and are totally satisfied with that being it….the need to hang out with friends has just been met ✔️. I don’t want to lose the desire to make friends and find my special someone, but how much more could I gain if every experience was looked at in this way, be it strangers or people you know, every experience is mentally and emotionally logged in as time spent with others for that moment. You just received your portion for the day! I think of all of the great interactions that I’ve had since I lived here but didn’t log them in, leaving me feeling bankrupt and void of personal interaction because I viewed it as, “Man, they seem like good people, I wish I could hang out with them again”. When I should have been present in that day and realized I just had an amazing time with a bunch of strangers who were like my best friends for the day! Emotionally and mentally satisfied for the day, thank you! At least that’s what I took from it. Lol
I also like the part where the article discussed the difference between what is available for men to date and women to date and I must say that this point alone hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve always wondered why men can easily find someone to be with and women tend to stay single a little longer between relationships. I like what I like, and I want what I want BUT what if I’ve missed out on what I like and want because my pre screening process is more like the final test for a doctorate? Men look for women that they are attracted to and can have a good time with and figure out the rest along the way because, of course, they’re not going into it trying to see if this person is their wife. They just want to know if they are a good person and the rest will be revealed along the way. They don’t need to know do they have this type of job, what is your education level, are you spiritual, how tall are you, what are your family dynamics, do you want children…and the list goes on, at least they don’t need to know all of this just to say Hi back and go on a date. I am so guilty of this, that I am ashamed! I will scan a man down from head to toe and will come up with a list of possibilities that go against my desired traits before the man even says hello. Now I know that this has caused me to miss out because I know of many occasions that I meet someone through work or friends and I’m not thinking about them as a potential anything. Guard is down, question pad is put away and I am just getting to know them and then BOOM it happens. In the process of getting to know them, they become more and more attractive and I find out that they have a lot of traits that I wouldn’t of guessed that they had and some traits I didn’t realize I actually liked. I can’t tell you just HOW I am going to turn off this automatic interviewer, but I believe that once I do, I will have the opportunity to meet and enjoy getting to know more men and expand my dating pool.
After turning 40, I must admit that there was a type of release that came with it. I started showing signs of pre menopause and was faced with coming to terms that my body was preparing to stop the baby making machine. Now that I’m almost 44, my views of dating and marriage have changed. I’m not in a rush, and mind you, I wasn’t in a rush before at least not like most females, but I could feel a shift in my way of thinking. I now want to get to know someone and really investigate all the crevices. I don’t want to get married until I am sure that I’ve met my life partner. I thought I felt that way before, but wanting to have children still put an unspoken clock on the whole situation. Now I get it, I get why men are so laid back in moving forward in relationships and marriage. They don’t have a baby clock telling them there is a timeline because realistically for them they can do the whole family thing whenever they are ready and with adoption and fertility treatments, so can we! The only thing is, we weren’t raised with that minsdset nor environment. Men are bachelors but something is wrong with a woman if she hasn’t been married or had children, and that’s a viewpoint from both men AND women who are a part of the mommy and me club. But what if women, like men, didn’t have a baby clock? I am willing to bet that women would definitely date differently and live their lives altogether differently. I can’t do anything about the past, but I can eat the meat and throw out the bones in order to apply what for me was a revelation in this article, in order to move forward. Hope you guys enjoyed it as well!