26 July, 2011
The day I let go!
The day I let go wasn’t that long ago.
I remember it so clearly,
It was like the sky was a deep blue.
The birds were singing and a red robin perched itself on a branch right in front of me as it sung a song of tranquility.
The day I let go, everything seemed to smile down on me. The sun was shining bright as the laughter of children in the distance spoke peace to my heart and joy to my soul.
The day I let go a light bulb went off, my mind shifted and my perspective enlarged.
That day, and every day after it, I felt like there were no rules, no regulations, no limits and no restrictions.
I peeled off the cloak of doubt, trouble, and worry.
I casted aside societies views, thoughts and validation.
I no longer desired what the world said was desirable, but opened my mind to what was desirable for me.
Time no longer was the master of my destiny and it didn’t have a say as to how I was going to spend my day… my week… my year…my life…
It was the day that I decided not to lessen myself so that others could shine bright.
The day I decided to operate at my full and complete greatness without concern of who it would offend or make insecure.
The day I decided to not walk on egg shells because you can’t handle me at my best because it reveals you at your least.
That day I threw the rule book of life that has been passed down from generation to generation out of the window.
On this day I looked at myself and saw slanted brown eyes that had a glimmer of hope and a promise in them.
I saw a nose that spoke of my African heritage and is the undeniable feature that confirmed whose child I was.
I saw cheekbones that spoke of my Indian heritage brought to me by my great grandmother.
I saw full lips that spoke unspoken promises to the imagination.
I saw a smile that would light up a room.
I heard laughter that came from a deep well that was within that was once dry but now overflowed with the breath of life.
I saw kinky curly hair that ran wild and free just like my Spirit cried out to be, wanted to be, and now is being.
I saw full breast that represented my nurturing side and size.
I saw a straight waisted woman with a just enough belly that claims that I might not be perfect, but I’m definitely worth it.
I saw narrow hips that were wide enough to bring a smile to a man’s face and legs long enough to get your grace from what I lacked in the back.
I caught myself in the mirror and noticed how I moved and walked and even I had to say to myself, “Not bad at 39!”
On that day I realized that I was the complete package, just depends on what package you were looking for.
I have a heart that is giving and caring, compassionate and loving.
I realized that I love hard, deep, and strong.
I have a Spirit that is God’s and a discernment that is keen.
I’m eccentric, witty, playful, and silly.
I’m nerdy, sexy, confident, and cool.
I’m a laid back, always striving for the best, tree hugging, and stiletto wearing kind of woman.
I have been called a contradiction within a contradiction yet always the same…and I like it.
So on this day I decided to play by my own rules.
I’m going to laugh hard and loud no matter what the crowd around me dictates.
I’m going to dance without any inhibitions because my soul is finally free.
I’m going to love hard and strong whomever I please and deal with the consequences as I go along.
I’m going to flirt shamelessly and give my best at all times.
I’m going to chase and then sometimes allow you to chase me…depends on my mood.
I’m going to dress how I feel because it is an extension of my inner self.
I’m releasing the rules of dating, and going with what feels right in my heart and my Spirit.
I’m letting go of my ideas and hopes for the future and focusing on my NOW.
No longer will father time dominate or rule me… I’m going to LIVE!
I’m going to do what I can today and let tomorrow worry about itself.
See this was the day that I realized living life isn’t that hard, it is how we choose to live life that makes it hard.
So I counted up the cost and took inventory and decided that I’m ready…ready to finally let go.
To fall aimlessly knowing that HE will catch me in the palm of HIS hand.
I’m falling in love, in like, in peace, in joy.
In completeness, in fulfillment, in restoration, in unlimited possibilities.
In friendships, in relationships, in sexuality, in Spirituality.
In freedom, in wild and carefree, in living, in bliss, in being ME!
You see, this was the day that I stood on the edge that use to have me bound in fear, regret, and lack.
Looking at a space that had never been explored, but was large and deep as well as unknown.
This was the day that I confidently marched up to the edge, turned around and begin to free fall backwards into the abyss of unlimited possibilities.
I finally let go, and I’m falling…falling…falling…and I have a smile on my face.